raising my glass...

Congrats to Obama! Nobel Peace Prize....what an amazing acheivement to be awarded!

Imagine being hired for a multi-trillion dollar company and expected to turn it around 180 degrees by increasing profit, increasing benefits for all employees, overseeing a corporate take-over of a rival company where competition and tension is extremely high, and regaining respect within the industry and among fellow employees; all while not getting support from the other excutive heads or management in the company...within a year....ethically. Pretty difficult task. Yet, Obama is being criticized for not measuring up to these standards. Before he took office, America had a slew of issues that needed to be dealt with, but our CEO seemed to muddle everything up. I'm not getting into the politics, but just want to express my happiness that Obama sees the bigger picture and realizes it's better to play nice and keep friends because they will be more willing to help you out later.

Change!

ass'd out

Saw this headline today in my Inbox from a neighborhood news update....

LIVE VIDEO FEED as Ass'y Committee To Vote on SB 250 ("Pet Responsibility Act") re spay/neuter

This is almost too easy.  Ass'y?  Come on...that can't be the abbreviation for Assembly.  I mean the government is full of them, but who knew they were so aware and accepting of being asses.  Well, what do you know...It is!  I just checked three different websites and all came up with the same conclusion.  However, they didn't include the apostrophe...they just went straight Assy.  

It reminds me of when I was in seventh grade Science class.  Our teacher had a very specific set of titles for each of our divider tabs in our notebooks.  I wasn't able to fit 'Assignments' on the tiny little divider tab, so being an extremely naive, but brainy twelve year old I simply put 'Ass'.   Afterall, my relationship with the English language up to that point had always shown me that common abbreviations were the first three to four letters of the word.  You know, Jul, Aug, Capt, min, etc.  When I got to class the next day ready for the teacher to check my notebook, feeling pretty proud of my organization and penmanship abilities, a couple of my friends started giggling at my Ass tab.  They explained that Ass was not the correct abbreviation for Assignments, but actually Assn was more appropriate.  I quickly added an 'N' to my Ass, to cover it and not make the teacher think I was being a smart one.  However in checking the correct abbreviation for Assignments it actually is acceptable to use Ass, so it could've been Ass's plain and simple, although I'm not sure the teacher would've appreciated this.  

Update to the headline: the Ass'y approved the act.  So, let's hear it for the Assy taking on some tough ass's. 

hoopin' it up

So...I've joined the American non-working force with "eliminated" positions.  It's the first time I have experienced this sort of shock, but I'm glad I have time for blogging again.  :)  I must admit I wasn't getting enough exposure to the general public to allow for any ridiculousness.  However, now that my days are filled with coffee shop job-surfing, reading, and enjoying the world around me I've had some interesting experiences.

I am spending my weekend in Venice Beach, CA...I know...that opens up a wealth of ridiculousness.  However, yesterday's giggle was actually away from the boardwalk and more mainstream.  Surprisingly.

I am staying at a recently moved into apartment of someone who is out of town.  While working on the resume yesterday afternoon, I heard a knock at the door.  Normally no one is home during the day, so I was hesitant to answer.  Earlier there were some workers hosing down the patio and had sprayed water against the front door leading to quite a mess of dirty water dripped down the door and puddling on the floor below.  I figured the knock was a concerned worker checking the stats on the patio "cleaning" job.  I answered and there was a confused postman in front of me...holding what appeared to be a large hula hoop wrapped in brown paper.  He asked for Elaine and I replied that I was sorry, but she didn't live here any more.  He asked again, hoping I'd change my mind.  When I explained again that she no longer lived here, he gave me the saddest look and put the brown-papered hula hoop around his neck and turned to continue with his deliveries.  That poor man had to traipse through the neighborhood carrying a large hula hoop and I'm sure when someone answered the door he was elated to be rid of it...only to learn he would have to return to the post office with the undeliverable package.  I'm sure he had a rough day in the office with that one.  I can see all his mail carrying peers giving him a hard time on that one.  I wonder if they secretly "mail" awkward packages on each other's routes as their "office antics".  You know, like how people in graphics alter pictures of others in the office for a laugh, computer programmers make pictures of elaborate scenes using only symbols on a keyboard, and 911 operators make fake calls of people choking on the other end of the line.  Hmmm...no?  As soon as I shut the door, I realized I should have just taken it...it could've been a great time-killer for me.  Oh well, next time...because I'm sure brown-papered hula hoops are delivered via USPS all the time.  I think 2010 will be the year of the brown-papered birthday hula hoop - be prepared friends.  :)

lucky me

Today while on hold with the LA Court system trying to change the time of my court appearance (long story, which will make it here on or around the 25th of June) I got to listen to some lovely instrumental jazz.  The song was 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas'.  It took me a second to place it...but then I realized I was saying "let your heart be light".  I thought maybe it was a coincidence - you know, maybe like how the ABC song sounds like Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.  I decided the chances are pretty slim - it's just a Christmas song.  It is the middle of June, so either they are too early or a little late with that one.  It being the LA court system, I'm sure no one got around to removing that one from the selection after the month of December; probably because they were on break or their window was closed.  Sorry to generalize, but every experience I have had in dealing with our wonderful bureaucratic system has been negative.  This citation that I am trying to take care of is not even for me - it was a typo from the DMV, but i need to take care of it by appearing in court and speaking to a judge.  That makes a lot of sense, right?  

Even just now after talking to a clerk and requesting to change my time of appearance to be in the morning, rather than the evening, I was told that I can not.  When I scheduled my court date, it was about 2 months ago and I didn't know if I would have work obligations on this day, which I brought to the attention of the clerk who scheduled my date.  She told me that I could call and change the time only, not the date.  Now I am being told the opposite and told that I obviously didn't understand what the first clerk told me.  I did understand what I was told - both today and 2 months ago; however it gets rather confusing when two people who are supposed to be following the same protocol tell you completely opposite information.  It further perturbs me when I am now being told that it is because I can not comprehend what I was told.  It makes it really hard to follow the rules.  Not to be bratty, but I've probably had more education than both of them (probably not both together though, although it wouldn't surprise me).

So, after speaking with the woman on the phone, I am told that I can not change court times; however if I "miss" my court date I can show up the next day in the morning or afternoon time slot.  Now maybe I'm missing the logic here, but wouldn't it just be easier to schedule me in earlier in the day that I currently have assigned, rather than assume I will be there at the evening time and not have me show up.  Then to have me show up the next morning and cause a disruption in the schedule?  What's the point in scheduling a court date/time when it seems it's just an approximation of when you may be there?  

I tend to ask a lot of questions, as I like to understand why certain rules are in place - some think I am being obstinate, but I really just want to know to better understand the reasoning.  Believe me, I got in trouble by the parents A LOT as a child for my questions - I was told I was being difficult.  So, I ask this woman why it is this way and why i couldn't just schedule an earlier time.  She told me I was lucky to even be able to show up the following day.  So I responded with, "well, I'm glad I'm lucky"...of course in my most sarcastic, but trying to sound clueless tone.  I really wanted to follow it up with "maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket", but I'm sure she could've removed any existence of my questioned court date with a swift pinky to the delete button on her keyboard, so I resisted.  I didn't realize LUCK played a part in the judicial system, I thought it was a system that promotes truth and justice.  Hmmm....I guess I was unlucky from the beginning in having to take care of this mistaken identity in the first place.  Maybe I will have myself a merry little christmas today...and I really wish "from now on, [my] troubles will be miles away".

foot fetish?

I found this lovely garment on Zappos.com today.  I could not pass up an opportunity to comment on this little gem.  

Underwear for the feet?  I don't want to think about flesh-toned tightey, uhh, whiteys? - i guess nudies, in this case.  Nor, do I want to think about my feet in a crotch-like sense.  I already have issues with feet...now they are going to make me think of androgynous crotches.  I know I'm going to have nightmares from these atrocities.  I imagine foot fetishers coveting these.  I wonder if they make them with garters and "crotch-less" varieties.  Maybe a nice black lace version with matching ankle bra?  Gives me the chills...and not in a good way.  Maybe I'm just too sheltered to get it.  The blurb about the product states they are used for dance - lyrical, jazz and that sort; but it also says they can be worn under street shoes.  Not to be extremely graphic, but is it to keep the toe jam from getting into your shoes?  Everything about these are just wrong.

the male dominated society

in china.  normally i have so many stories, but i think i have become too accustomed to the culture that little affects me or surprises me anymore.  however, tonight i had the funniest thing happen to me. most would probably not giggle, but i am still giggling about it.  

Tonight started off innocently.  I had a last minute trip planned for Putien, China from Zhoung Shen, China.  I was traveling by myself sans cell phone, which I think worried all the US higher ups.  Shockingly I was not worried about any thing...I think because I knew that pre-cell phone era people traveled in many countries despite knowing the language.  I knew one way or another I could figure things out.  The pilots fly as they drive in China - pretty much in a bee-line.  Not so apparent until landing.  The wings cocked to the left, then the right before finally hitting the ground with such force I thought we would be ejected from our seats.  Immediately the breaks hit, causing me to reach for the "oh shit handle" as in a Jeep; but was non-existent.  After collecting my luggage, I was picked up from the airport by my Brazilian counterpart that lives here and immediately taken to dinner.  I felt bad already that they had waited for the dinner (it is a big production here, which usually takes place about 6:30pm...it was 9pm) and I'm sure they were starving. 

Dinner was fantastic...how can it not be when they make you feel like a celebrity. I thought all I had to do was play the part through dinner, then could go back to the hotel and go to sleep; however not so easy.  This is a culture that loves to entertain and impress.  I have had to learn how to accept it all, as if you do not they are offended.  I was told we were going to a club.  Apparently I am their personal go-go dancer...but whatever I have to do to get my samples.  But of course, with a few exceptions.

Immediately upon arriving to the club they were trying to force me onto the stage.  While some may think I like attention, I get very shy with public attention and need about 4 beers of coaxing.  Eventually I got on the stage, really only because I felt bad for all the effort put in to make my time special.  Shortly after I needed to use the restroom, so I went with one of the Chinese women.  As I walked into the stall (non-western style, nonetheless - please look it up to get the full visual...it involves squatting), I was grabbed by the arm and pulled out by a man.  I was taken aback at first, but immediately fell into a fit of giggles remembering where I was.  Apparently in China if a man needs to use the restroom it is an URGENT matter and he is allowed to not only cut in front of a woman, but pull her out of a stall.  I could not stop laughing.  Granted, if I were at home or about 2 sheets to the wind, the outcome would not have been so pleasant for anyone.  I would have probably yelled...quite possibly thrown a punch (as I do not like being manhandled by anyone)....and would've ended up having to explain myself by way of translator.  It all just made me realize life is just one big joke...enjoy it because nothing is that serious.

U - Da - Ho

Back from Idaho and now in China.  Not China - China, but China - Asia...big difference!  ;)  I told someone that when they asked about my China trip...they asked if I was going to China - China, so I answered with the latter.  What does that even mean - China - China?

Idaho was amusing....everything I expected Idaho to be.  I have to start by saying I think I really dislike (hate is such a strong word) the San Diego airport.  3 notables within 20 minutes...so typical of my life.  

I had already checked in online and paid for the bag I was checking, so just needed to give the front desk peeps my bag.  Easy enough, right?  ha haha ha.  I start by asking a man from the airline (who was helping to direct people) if I was in the right line for checking a bag.  Well, in the meantime a man literally creeped up so close that if I turned 1 centimeter in any direction I would run into him.  I did not know he had creeped up on me and as I turned to walk I was told to watch myself.  Um...watch yourself...you are the one that creeped up on me SIR.  Ugh.  It was 6:40 am and too early to deal with this.  I get in the line to check my bag and when I get to the counter the woman asks for my boarding pass.  All I have is the print-out from when I checked in online.  She tells me that this is not really a boarding pass....I ask what the point of checking in online is.  But no answer.  I have to go to the kiosk to print my boarding pass.  I try to type in the information, however can not find any of the correlating data on the computer print out to put into the kiosk.  I decide to just get back in line and have someone else at the counter help me.  It is too early, I am not having people answer my legitimate questions, and I am still trying to wake up.  Nevertheless there is still someone out to get me.  As we are standing in the security line, which was a LINE.  A woman comes up with her husband saying "Oh, here's the line" as she stands next to my friend and I.  Please note...there are about 20 more people behind us (not an exaggeration, even for the purposes of a good story).  I tell the woman that the line ends way back yonder and point in the general direction.  I get the response of a stare down from hell for a good 30 seconds.  Go stare at yourself in the mirror for 30 seconds.  It's no joke...grueling, to the point of looking for a fight.  When she finally turns around and heads for the end of the line, my friend says "We weren't being mean, just letting you know".  The couple behind us comments on the interaction as well.  All I can say is "What...did she think if she stared me down long enough the line would go away?"  The sass never fails.  To make matters worse, as the lady-with-the-stare-tactics-that-would-end-the-war comes snakes her way thru the line opposite us, my friend and I hear "Anyone with a 7:20 flight?"  Ummm...hate to say it, but yes and glad about it.  We are immediately ushered to the front of the security line.  I can feel the darts puncturing the back of my skull as we carelessly make our way to the front of the line.

Upon arriving in Idaho, I have little to report.  I can now say I've been there, done that.  Got to see the capitol even.  Check and check.  The wedding was great and I have a great excuse for making the trip.  We had some great nights out - including a local girl telling us that she loves when girls lie and say they are from California to pretend to be pretty.  I'm still trying to figure out how to try to pretend to be pretty.

So, now I am in China.  After 24 hours of travel, a quick shower, a few hours in the office, quick nap, dinner with a factory, finally back in my room.  The factory dinners are always rough - they love a girl that can drink and I definately fill the role.  More stories to follow....