EX-mas

Christmas is upon us and with all the hype of the necessity of gift buying also comes the relentless advertising from all the jewelry companies.  It starts of with the basic "Diamonds are Forever...show your love...blah blah blah...this CHRISTMAS season", but continues to "Show your girlfriend she means more to you this CHRISTMAS season...blah blah engagement rings...".  What is it with Christmas and trying to guilt poor guys into thinking this is the time that you MUST propose marriage or profess your love?  I understand the romantic capacity of the cold weather - lots of nights indoors trying to keep each other warm.  Why guilt everyone else into your selfishness of trying to pack everything into one day.  Getting engaged at Christmas is stealing the thunder and joy of the holidays from everyone else.  We are all now obligated to ooohh and aaahhh the ring, ask to hear the story and all the details, and ask if you've thought of a date for the wedding.  The holidays are stressful enough as it is.  Now, I know I am a single girl, please don't take this as me being bitter about it, but I am not really wired like the average girl.  I really hate the propaganda that advertising plays.  It really does work - you hear the commercials enough and like Pavlov's dogs become conditioned to what they are telling you to do.  I want to start hearing jewelry ads that say "Hey, make him your EX this CHRISTMAS, then you don't have to buy him a present and you can buy what you really want this year." 

Blue Ball

I went bowling last night...haven't done that in a while.  I forgot how fun it is, you know, the whole process of it all.  Getting those sweet shoes, picking out your ball, setting up the computer with the perfect alias, etc.  I put a lot of time into picking my ball - I actually had ball-S - three to be exact.  I make it a big point to check the color of my balls, feel the weight of my balls, examine the surface of my balls, make sure my fingers don't stick in my balls; overall just throughly get in there and examine; as it could cost me my whole game.  I ended up with a turquoise one, neon yellow one, and a magenta one.  I really wanted the neon yellow to be my lucky ball, but it was not having me.  I ended up playing most of the game with the turquoise ball.  I mean it is a derivative of blue (my favorite color)....it would only make sense that the blue ball would be the one to want me.  We then ordered some beers, which is funny because as I drank more beer my game got much better.  I started out the first game closing at a nice round 53...yes, that's a five and a three.  Not a typo that I forgot the one.  By my last game I broke one hundred - that was a huge accomplishment for me.  I even got two strikes, but mostly lots of splits.  What can I say...I'm a girl that likes a challenge.  All in all a great night.  I think I'm going to look into joining a league - my nickname can be J - The Blue Ball Looper.  Off to make the shirts...

Impromptu

Friday night I went out, despite my decision earlier to stay in and do laundry.  I ended up running into an old friend that was planning on heading to Mammoth in the early morning hours.  He asked if I wanted to go.  Well, being the impromptu girl that I am, it was an excited YES!  I left the bar upon closing (2 am) and ran home to pack.  First thing I did upon entering my house was grab a beer, then find a bag and begin my drunken packing.  I was given the time line of 1 hour.  In the midst of my packing, my friend called and thought it would be a better idea to leave at 6 am.  Needless to say, I woke up the next morning with my half-packed bag at the foot of my bed, board and boots by the front door, half drank beer on my dresser, and 2 missed calls from my friend.  Not only had I passed out and missed his first call telling me he was ready to go, but the second message said he was out front of my house.  I was so upset at myself for falling asleep, however realized it was probably better I did not go.  As I unpacked my bag I realized the only things in it were my snowboarding pants, jacket, and about 5 sweaters.  The weather in Mammoth was about 59 degree high with a 22 degree low - that would have been fun with 5 sweaters and no pants...

Pump it, Pump it, P-Pump It Up

I saw this on my commute into work today at a construction site off the freeway, with my first thought being "Suck It....really?  Great!"  I really hope it's a sump pump, as that would be entirely appropriate.  I remember the sump pump in my parent's basement as a child.  Every time it rained that damn basement would flood, no fail.  It sounded like a monster, especially when the water level got really low - it would suck in this horrendous, loud, gurgling way that sounded like a monster licking his lips before enjoying eating me with some fava beans and a nice chianti....fvfvfvfvfvfv.  This led to my constant fear of EVER going into the basement.  As I got older the fear stuck so that I would go down there, but RUN as fast as I could up the stairs, usually taking them 3 at a time.  And we are taking just a few months ago when I had go down there to get the folding chairs.  Maybe that's why my mother always sends my father and I down there to collect all of her Christmas decorations.

However, it could be the construction company's sense of humor telling all of us lame asses stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the 405 to Suck It because Southern CA is forever expanding and moving more and more people in and constantly developing and redeveloping the land; yet we are in a recession and no one can pay for all this development.  As I recall now, I don't remember noticing too many workers out there and that land has been empty for quite some time.

On the other hand, it could be pronounced So Cute...i suppose.

stumped

I found this awesome place for rent by my house the other day.  I'm thinking of inquiring about it.  I am a little curious how they could possibly fit 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, balcony, AND big garage in what appears to be a stump.  Appearances can be deceiving though.  I mean I've always wanted to live in a treehouse...I bet this one's all underground - like the Fraggles.  I'm glad pets are ok, I wonder if my termite farm would be acceptable.  Sometimes I let them out so they can get some fresh air and move their legs.  Shouldn't be too much of a problem though, right?

Stroking the Keys

So....yesterday I discovered that cock and anal are the same key strokes on a phone.  You know, the old school ones with abc = 2, not the damn mini baby computer keyboard phones.  I haven't made it into advanced technology yet.  Anyway, i was writing..."Rock out with your cock out" and in the process of scrolling through words for the 2625 ( I use cock enough, you'd think it would save it by now) anal came through, but no cock.  How does that work?  Well, I thought it was all pretty ironic...i mean really, anal and cock are virtually the same thing on a phone - just 2625.  Who knew?  Well, I'm gonna start calling out 2625 on people...then I could really be saying either...you go figure it out.

Con Carne, hold the Carne

I hung out at my friend's house last nite.  We were drinking some beers and cooking dinner.  We tried to follow her mom's recipe for Enchiladas, but she being a white girl from Portland and me growing up on enchiladas from scratch...it turned into something entirely different.  I was responsible for the "filler".  While cooking the chicken, I started doctoring it up with spices, more cheese, and chilis.  She was responsible for the sauce, which was a bean based sauce with no meat, so it somewhat resembled chili - hence the con carne, hold the carne.  I was drinking beers through the cooking and eventually took over the shenanigans.  When it came time to fill and roll the tortillas, I discovered they were burrito sized; resulting in what looked like large chicken burritos with too much leftover tortilla.  I asked my friend for the sauce, thinking it would be just generic canned enchilada sauce; however I came to find that we would be covering our enchilada/burritos in the sauce resembling chili con carne.  Through the whole cooking process, her dog Bowie seemed to be confused by all the action in the kitchen - I'm guessing my friend doesn't cook much.  All in all, it was a great meal despite the hodge podge assembly.  Heavy, but great.  Chicken Burrito Chili Con Carne Hold the Carne Enchiladas were a hit!  Bowie even did tricks for them...  Next time I'm cooking...